# Your computer is acting up.
With SuperDuper! to an external drive. (This can take >12 hours, tho.)
If you have two-factor authentication enabled, make sure you have access to a second device to reauthenticate iCloud after the reset.
Then, log out of Apple accounts (iCloud, iMessages, iTunes).
Restart while holding down Cmd + R for Recovery Mode.
Format the drive in Disk Utility.
Reinstall OS X.
# Install from the App Store
1Password (syncs with iCloud, and helpful to do early on for filling out all the passwords)
# Install from the Internet
Adobe Creative Cloud (Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator)
# You Will Feel Much Better Now!
┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
That was kind of easy.