With SuperDuper! to an external drive. (This can take >12 hours, tho.)
If you have two-factor authentication enabled, make sure you have access to a second device to reauthenticate iCloud after the reset.
Then, log out of Apple accounts (iCloud, iMessages, iTunes).
Restart while holding down Cmd + R for Recovery Mode.
Format the drive in Disk Utility.
Reinstall OS X.
1Password (syncs with iCloud, and helpful to do early on for filling out all the passwords)
Adobe Creative Cloud (Photoshop, InDesign, Illustrator)
┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
That was kind of easy.